


this is a place where i don't feel alone

by cinvmatic



Series: to build a home [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Always Bisexual David Dobrik, Angst, Anxious David, Crying, David Dobrik Needs A Hug, David Learns How To Use His Words, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Josh Peck is a good bro, Josh and David are the best duo, Self-Harm, Stress, To Build A Home verse, but i wrote it platonically, can be read as david/josh, can you hc real people lol?, completely unrelated just know he’s bi, i may have gone a little overboard with those, lots of italics, not specifically but i hc dave with anxiety, of course this is me projecting who do you think i am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 09:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16514117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinvmatic/pseuds/cinvmatic
Summary: “it’s not deep enough to kill me and it helps me get through the day. why is that so bad?”[or: david doesn’t know how to handle stress sometimes and josh finds out]





	this is a place where i don't feel alone

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: self-harm (obviously) and david kinda panics at some point! i don’t like going into too much detail but the entire fic is david and josh talking about david’s bad coping mechanism so... read at your own risk
> 
> author’s note: i’m not trying to glorify mental illness or imply that david self-harms in real life. this is just a story based on my personal feelings and experiences. also, i wrote and published this via my phone so i’m sorry if the formatting sucks. enjoy!
> 
> title from to build a home by the cinematic orchestra

“Dave?”

David hums in response, barely removing his eyes from his laptop screen (even for a spilt second). He’s been editing non-stop for hours on end, but as per usual he has too much footage to sort through and not enough time to get everything done. For the past few weeks all he’s been doing is shooting and editing, completely ignoring the need to eat or sleep or actually take care of his wellbeing. In all honestly, David has spent more time staring at a screen over the past month than he has communicating with an _actual real-life person_.

He doesn’t even realise he’s zoned out again until Josh decides to move over from the other side of the room, taking a seat directly next to him.

“What’d you say?” David halfheartedly asks, glancing at his friend briefly before turning back to the half-edited vlog on his computer.

“What’s this?”

David swears that time briefly stops, his mind short-circuiting when he feels Josh tap lightly on his thigh. He scrambles to pull his shorts further down his legs, almost knocking over his laptop in the process. He looks over to the other man, panicked, and the facial expression Josh is sporting is enough to make David feel like he’s choking. He sputters, a lump forming in his throat as he breaks their eye contact and looks back towards his screen.

“What do you mean?”

His voice cracks on the last word.

Josh shakily sighs, moving to shut David’s laptop. If it were anyone else there with him, David probably would’ve made up an excuse and left the room by now. He also would’ve throttled the person for laying a hand on his computer, but this is _Josh Peck_.

 _Yeah_ , _dumbass_. _Josh Peck just found out that you fucking slice and dice your own skin for fun._

David sees Josh look at him out of the corner of his eye.

“C’mon, David. Talk to me buddy. I can tell it’s not... that wasn’t an accident, huh?”

Shame swells in David’s chest, so much so that he briefly forgets how to breathe. Tears gather behind his eyes and he _knows_ that Josh is his friend, _knows_ that Josh will support him and keep this a secret but right now all he can think about is the fact that this is his _childhood idol_ and _he’s the one_ who put that look of pure disappointment and pity on the man’s face.

“It’s not deep enough to kill me and it helps me get through the day. Why is that so bad?”

David’s voice comes out small and he tries to laugh, but all that happens is a choked noise of hysteria and he coughs slightly. If it were anyone else with him, this wouldn’t have been such a big deal. David would be dry eyed and smiling, he would’ve lied already and laughed at the accusation that he hurt himself on purpose, but every time he looks to the right he wants to cry because Josh is his _real fucking friend_ and David can’t betray his trust like that.

Something about Josh makes David want to tell the truth.

“So it is self inflicted.”

It isn’t said as a question, but David nods to confirm anyway. He’s managed to keep it together so far, the conversation hasn’t steered into anything too personal and he hasn’t looked up from his computer since Josh brought it up. He thinks he’ll be okay, thinks that he can make a quick exit because their little “talk” is over, but then he feels Josh move closer to him and his breathing somewhat stutters.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, and the second he looks up to Josh’s face is when he finally lets tears fall onto his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s fucked up and it isn’t even that big of a deal but- but I have _so much_ shit to do, and I never have the time or the energy and this helps, I swear it’s not a problem it’s just- I get so stressed out, Josh, and I know you probably regret ever becoming fucking friends with me but-“

“David.”

“I don’t- please don’t tell the others. _Please_ , don’t tell them. They’ll hate me and I can’t- I can’t lose them.”

Josh’s heart breaks a little at that last sentence, and he watches David’s breathing strain as he holds back a sob. He moves David’s laptop to the floor and changes positions on the couch, pulling his friend into a much-needed hug.

The second David is pulled into Josh’s embrace is the second he starts actually crying.

“How long?”

Josh whispers the question, not really expecting an answer but not opposed to the idea of hearing one either. The two boys are silent for a moment before David eventually speaks up.

“I used to- back when I was a teenager, I used to like, ground myself with pain, you know? I think I told you about how I could never focus, right? Well, this- this _thing_ I do, it settles the dust. Let’s me edit and stop panicking about trivial bullshit and I _know_ it’s bad but now that I started again I can’t stop- It’s like a drug, dude, and _I don’t know_ -“

David cuts himself off with a sob, head falling onto Josh’s shoulder. He cries for a little while and Josh waits for him to say more, reluctantly pulling away after he quiets down.

Josh takes a mental note of how tired David looks.

“I’m not upset, you know. Well- that’s a lie, I _am_ upset, but not in the way you’re thinking. I care about you so much David, you’re like a brother to me and it hurts me to see you so lost in your own head.”

David whimpers at the statement and Josh guides him to lay down, the younger boy letting out another gut-wrenching sob. He ignores the tears forming in his own eyes as he lays David’s head in his lap, carding his fingers through his hair.

“I’m so sorry for crying, and- and making this seem so dramatic.” David mumbles.

“Don’t apologise, Dave. I’m not saying it’s a big deal, especially if you don’t want it to be, but it is important. You shouldn’t- you shouldn’t feel like you need to hurt yourself just to get through the day.”

“I know...” David mumbles drowsily.

Josh pauses. “When was the last time you slept?”

David takes a deep breath, trying to form a coherent sentence rather than more tearful blabbering.

“I uh, I really don’t know. Like, I have so much to edit that half the time I just don’t sleep at all, or I nap when I come over to Jason’s and usually I sleep for a few hours after I upload, but...”

Josh hums. “Just rest now, cub.”

David laughs slightly at the nickname, shaking his head lightly.

“I need to finish-“

“Your video? This conversation? No can do, buddy. Before you do anything about anything you need a good nights sleep.”

“It’s 2pm.”

“Don’t say that as if you were gonna sleep tonight anyway. Pretend it’s bed-time.”

David rolls his eyes but complies, shifting a little to get more comfy on the couch as he properly rests his head on Josh’s lap. He smiles at the fact that Josh still feels comfortable to banter with him (despite the heaviness of their conversation) and although he dreads waking up in a few hours, he decides to take Josh’s advice and close his eyes. He can worry about his video and his mental health later.

He doesn’t know how much time passes, but right before he falls asleep, David turns over to face Josh.

“Hey, are you made at me?” He whispers lowly, “like, about the whole...you know?”

Josh looks down at David with a puzzled expression.

“Why would I be mad...?”

“I dunno. It’s just- I lied to you guys, and instead of coming to you or Scott or literally _anyone else_ I tried to handle the situation myself, and I feel like... I don’t know. It just sucks.”

David curls his body around Josh and sighs. Of course he regrets this entire conversation, but... maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to talk about it after all. Whether Josh had seen or not, David was reaching the end of line and he doesn’t know how much longer he could’ve kept quiet without doing something stupid.

In some fucked up way, he’s kind of glad Josh was the one to approach him about his bad habits.

After listening quietly to David ramble, Josh looks down at the boy in his lap and shakes his head, watching as David’s eyes finally shut.

“I don’t think I could ever be mad at you, Dave. Go to sleep.”

Josh waits until he’s sure David’s breathing has evened out before he closes his own eyes, each of them falling into a peaceful slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on the hellsite known as tumblr: cinvmatic.tumblr.com


End file.
